God's Gonna Cut You Down
…the Universe is an awfully big place. There is room enough for an awful lot of people to be right about things and still not agree.
I dug Rust Cohle’s philosophies. He’s not me, but that was a good philosophy class, to live in that headspace. I do believe in God, but I think it’s very healthy for a believer to spend time in the pragmatism of agnosticism, and I think God appreciates agnostics trying to make a science of it and going, ‘I will not believe any further than that.’ I enjoy that kind of engineering mind. In no way did it ever feel blasphemous to me as a man of faith. And what was I like at home? I was a pretty good explainer to the kids about things. I got pretty good at breaking down — if/then, this/that. I was very factual. But I didn’t go home and have nightmares.
I think I am trying to make my head as empty as it was when I was born onto this damaged planet.
Could it be because it reminds us that we are alive, of our mortality, of our individual souls―which, after all, we are too afraid to surrender but yet make us feel more miserable than any other thing? But isn’t it also pain that often makes us most aware of self? It is a terrible thing to learn as a child that one is a being separate from the world, that no one and no thing hurts along with one’s burned tongues and skinned knees, that one’s aches and pains are all one’s own. Even more terrible, as we grow old, to learn that no person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us. Our own selves make us most unhappy, and that’s why we’re so anxious to lose them, don’t you think?